I feel as if I don't have a right to my own intelligence. Because of how I see others of myself represented, I often regret my own thoughts. I fear I am so abnormal that I am completely un-relatable and completely misunderstood.

The fact is, when we see people everyday we make decisions on who they are. We presuppose that our past experience with their kind will lead us all to a place where we have been before. We find comfort in the possibility that we know what to expect.

I feel both at home and completely out of my element all the time. Like I am from Mars, and I am the only person alive from that planet and the only one who understands what it is like to come from a place where the wind makes red castles in the sand.


I have spent this day completely alone and I loved it. I slept and slept and read and watched youtube and did not cook but ate healthy snacks all day long. I listened to classical music while walking around in my underwear and socks. I sang like an operatic superstar. And then I thought I should go and be in the company of others. I have work to do afterall, and now, I go on to be with two couples. I go to sit around with the weight of my triple consciousness and watch all these people completely connected in a way which I won't ever be in my lifetime. I go to sigh and sigh and regret the sharp edge of reality.